Today is one
of the most important days in the lives of Alex and Kallie -- a day which they
will surely remember for the rest of their lives. For the rest of their lives,
they may think back and remember the goals and the feelings which they are
affirming today.
When Alex and Kallie
first asked me to say something on this occasion -- my first reaction was to
feel totally unqualified. Marriage is such a complicated matter, and every
marriage is so unique and different -- what could I possibly say? Would I be
able to convey some of the important ideas in Orson Scott Card’s great science
fiction series, The Song of Earth -- but isn’t that a bit too tricky and
complicated for a ten minute talk? However, this issue of remembering what is
important in life is one important aspect of the story which even I have some
right to talk about..
Back
in 1979, when I started work at the Department of Energy. hoping to help the
world solve its energy problems, that too was an important day, a major new start
in my life. The new life was extremely complicated ( and still is). I met many
people who started out just as idealistic as I was, but had basically become
totally lost and distracted by all the many complexities. I was impressed
by the ongoing value of the old saying, “When you’re up to your something in
alligators, it’s hard to remember you came here to drain the swamp.”
As
we meet here in a Unitarian Church, I also remember how churches of all kinds
have played such an important role in history, when they gather people
together to try to think and remember what is really important, and go back
every week to consider how all the decisions of the past week and the coming week should be re-evaluated,
regularly, relative to what is really important in the bigger picture of
things.
But
what IS really important in the bigger picture of things? Churches and
philosophers certainly do not agree on that question. The world is full of
theories of ethics which try to deduce logically what is the purpose of life or
even whom should rely on if we cannot figure that out for ourselves. After
years of studying logic and the brain, I long ago came to appreciate the
ongoing truth and importance of some other folk wisdom we should be
remembering: that we cannot really satisfy our personal need for meaning and
purpose in life, except by relying on what lies inside us. Our deepest emotions
define what we really care about, and only the expression of those emotions can
allow us to be effective, rational, and successful in the pursuit of happiness.
But
how can we become more in touch, and permanently aware, of those deepest
feelingss? How can we avoid being confused by learned hopes and fears, which do
not really represent our truest and most permanent foundation?
Hopes and fears play an important part in our lives, but if we can’t
distinguish hopes and fears from our deeper feelings, it becomes hard to make
good choices when we face decisions which affect us for years into the future.
How can we avoid taking people and situations for granted, and underestimating the
significance of possible changes, both for good and for ill, which could affect
our most basic feelings and happiness?
In
order to remember these deepest feelings, we do need to put words on them, just
to help us remember. Friedrich Nietzsche once talked about the raw
feeling “this good” versus “this bad.” Back in college, in my sophomore year, I
used the words “light’ and “dark” -- and remembered how I worried about which
system of ethics and politics would end up feeling “dark” versus what would
feel like “light.” In Quaker meetings, I found that the term “the light”
acquires a depth I did not imagine when I was sophomore -- but it still fit,
and I was glad that I had somehow
directed my mind into that space. Nowadays, when I sometimes feel like giving
up on every major power in this world, and I ask myself where do **I** really
choose to stand... I remember an old phrase from the Western mystics, “light,
life and love.” It’s not a precise scientific phrase, but somehow it does help
me remember what it stands for and remember that I am not going to give up on
it ever, period.
Some days, when stress starts to become overwhelming, I do have to remember that my capacity to
support what I care about is finite, and that I have to do some “impedance
matching,” both for myself and for others, to avoid some kind of breakdown...
but I also remember that I always want to be
responsible,
no matter how tired I get, and will never lapse in remembering what is really
important.
May
this marriage become a full expression and vehicle for life, light and love for
as long as you both may live!
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Comments added:
1. The wedding was on November 10, 2012, in Bedford, Mass.
2. The "neural network" sources most relevant to the above are:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22386781
http://www.rosecroixjournal.
vixra.org/pdf/1209.0054v1.pdf
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Comments added:
1. The wedding was on November 10, 2012, in Bedford, Mass.
2. The "neural network" sources most relevant to the above are:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22386781
http://www.rosecroixjournal.
vixra.org/pdf/1209.0054v1.pdf
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